Alternative Endings to Kellyanne Conway’s Resignation Letter
“This is completely my choice and my voice. In time, I will announce future plans. For now, and for my beloved children, it will be less drama, more mama.”
Less lying, more crying
Less RNC, more decency
Less talking head, more staring at the ceiling in bed
Less name-calling, more paintballing (this is how George and I bond)
Less alternative facts, more shopping at Saks
Less Trump, more “My Humps” (Fergie’s music pulled me through my darkest moments)
Less Bowling Green Massacre, more Oscar Mayer Hot Dog Humanity Day
Less Ivanka, more bosses who don’t want to bang their daughta
Less polls, more cinnamon rolls
Less spinning, more spinning (❤ Soul Cycle)
Less fake news, more muumuus
Less fascism, more facials
Less talk, more TikTok (Claudia is good at it, so I’m going to ask her for help!)
Less pundit, more…shunned? Shit.
Less campaign, more champagne
Less slander, more Radical Candor (that book changed my life)
Less White House, more white hair
Less advisor, more adultery (once George and I bid adieu after paintball)
Less Rose Garden, more Olive Garden
Less controversial, more Superbowl commercial (call my agent!)
Less heresy, more therapy
Less treason, more Four Seasons (#spon)
Less con artist, more screaming in the forest
Less crock, more Crock Pot
Less framing, more familial shaming (I’m raising daughters, after all)
Less conspiracy, more reality TV! (check out my new show coming to E! this fall, “LESS DRAMA, MORE MAMA”)
