What’s It Like to Have a Christmas Birthday? A Q+A with Jesus Christ

Hey, it’s me. Jesus Christ.

The holiday season is here yet again, and folks are snuggling up by the fire with their loved ones, eating comfort foods, and wrapping and unwrapping small piles of gifts.

It’s also the time of year when I get asked a lot of questions about what it’s like to have a Christmas birthday. Sure, Christmas exists because of my birth, but now that Christmas is a wildly popular event, I have to throw myself out there for attention so that people don’t forget why we’re celebrating this day at all. I may be the son of God, but I’m also just trying to live my life like an everyday Joe (my mortal dad, Joseph, loves when I say that) and that means having a normal birthday like the rest of you plebeians.

To put an end to the Christmas birthday questioning, I’ve created a convenient Q+A for your reference.

Let’s start with the obvious: do you get shortchanged on presents?

Nope. I’m an only child, so my parents only have one person to put their shekels — I mean — energy into. My relatives are extra cautious; they don’t want me to think they’re shorting me on gifts — so if anything, they go over the top.

For instance, it’s always absolutely clear that the burlap-wrapped gifts are for my…